Advice For Children

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Gentle Guidance When Words Are Hard to Find

Talking to children about death can feel daunting. But with clear, compassionate guidance, it is possible to help them understand what has happened — in a way that feels safe, respectful and reassuring.

At Arlington Funeral Services, we support families throughout Stoke-on-Trent and the surrounding areas with step-by-step guidance. Every child grieves differently — some talk openly, others become quiet, and some express their emotions through play or creativity. There is no “right” way — only their way. With time, patience and the right support, children can begin to understand loss in their own way and at their own pace.

a man support a girl

01. Use Clear and Honest Words

Gentle, simple language is best. Rather than saying someone has “gone to sleep” or is “lost”, it helps to be honest in a way they can understand. Children often ask questions — this is their way of trying to make sense of what has happened. You don’t have to have all the answers. Listening is often the most powerful response.

02. Create a Safe Space for Feelings

Children may show grief in many ways — through talking, drawing, silence, play, tears or anger. All of these reactions are natural. Let them know:

  • It is okay to feel sad
  • It is okay to ask questions
  • It is okay not to know how they feel

When feelings are accepted — not judged — children feel more secure.

03. Listen Gently

Let them speak when they’re ready. Try to listen more than you explain. When children feel heard, they feel safer. Simply saying “I understand” or “I’m here if you want to talk” can make a big difference.

04. Provide Reassurance and Routine

Children may worry about what will change. Reassure them that they are still loved and cared for. Familiar routines — such as school, mealtimes or bedtime — can bring stability and comfort. Knowing that some things are staying the same can help reduce anxiety.

05. Tools That Can Help

Gentle activities can provide comfort and create space for conversation, such as:

  • Memory box — letters, photos or drawings
  • Storybooks — reading together can encourage discussion
  • Drawing or colouring
  • A candle lit in memory

Stories often help children express what they can’t yet put into words.

06. Recommended Books for Children and Teens

For Ages 3–7

  • The Invisible String — Patrice Karst
  • Badger’s Parting Gifts — Susan Varley
  • I Miss You: A First Look at Death — Pat Thomas
  • Goodbye Mog — Judith Kerr

For Ages 7–12

  • The Memory Box: A Book About Grief — Joanna Rowland
  • When Dinosaurs Die — Laurie Krasny Brown
  • Michael Rosen’s Sad Book — Michael Rosen

For Teenagers and Young Adults

  • Sad Isn’t Bad — Michaelene Mundy
  • You Will Be Okay — Julie Stokes
  • Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers — Earl A. Grollman

Reading together can help children explore their feelings and realise that grief is shared by many — they are not alone.

07 Professional Help and Local Support

If a child is finding things especially difficult, additional support may help.

National Organisations

Child Bereavement UK — 0800 02 888 40
Winston’s Wish — 08088 020 021
Cruse Bereavement Support — 0808 808 1677
Samaritans — 116 123 (24 hours a day)

Local Support – Stoke-on-Trent & Surrounding Areas

We can help connect you with:

  • Local counselling services for children
  • School bereavement advisers
  • Mental health support teams
  • Community bereavement groups

Please speak to us if you would like help finding support nearby. We are here to assist.

You’re Not Alone

Supporting a child through grief takes care, time and patience — and you do not have to face it alone. At Arlington Funeral Services, we are here to offer gentle guidance whenever it is needed.

If you would like to talk — we will listen.
If you need help finding words — we are here for you.
If you need support — we will guide you, one step at a time.

Arlington Funeral Services

A safe place.
A caring hand.
Here for your family — always.

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Mourning family together at the cemetery